If you followed me from my old blog, My 60 Day Lemonade Diet, you know I've been through some extreme dieting. I thought desperate times called for desperate measures. I think I found the diet through rummaging through those sites about movie star gossip. What caught my eye was that top stars and models were following this so called Lemonade Diet. It turns out that it's a variation of the original cleanse called "The Master Cleanser" by Stanley Burroughs, written 1976.
Anywho, I gave it a chance. Bought everything from my local Trader Joe's. I was excited because the ingredients were super cheap in comparison to other diets. It's was a simple concoction of a lemonade drink that you drank throughout the day. Before you started your day, you had to flush with salt water. I think that the salt water flush was the hardest part. I dreaded it sooooo much.
I didn't exercise because I didn't think about integrating the two. I hated the thought of exercise. I made the excuse that I would be too weak to do it anyhow. It was hard enough to just quit food cold turkey. Why make it worse by adding exercise? That was my thinking back then. Excuse after excuse after excuse. I was born to make excuses.
Reflecting on my excuses, I realize that it was a self sabotage mechanism I've used for so long. I didn't really want to give up food or start exercising. It was painful to give up my emotional eating and start experiencing body pains of exercise. I didn't want pain.
So I started to blog this whole ordeal to keep me from getting off track. I blogged and vlogged most of my diet. What people didn't know was that nearing the end of my "diet", I started cheating. Sneaking actual food. Nobody saw me do it...family didn't notice it either. I'm the cook of my household, if I'm in the kitchen and everyone is sitting watching television or in the other end of the house, who's watching? Other than God and me I guess. My thought was, "I'm tasting the food I'm preparing. I have to make sure it's good for the kids." But any sort of tasting was an absolute no-no on this diet. I started to break this cleanse. Before long I started to eat small meals behind everyone's back.
When I ended my cleanse, I was eating regular meals. The problem with that is, according to the Master Cleanser diet, you CANNOT eat big meals or regular foods. Your body literally went on a fast, your digestive system took a huge break. You could get sick by suddenly disrupting such a feat on your body. You are supposed to start with soups then salads adding vegetables and fruits along the way until you are able to eat whole meals. I made myself sick by rushing my body through regular meals. When I gained 5 pounds the first couple of days, I thought I ruined all my progress, so I started to binge. When I say binge, I mean binge. I cried and hated myself. I also thought I could just go back on this cleanse once I got this binge out of the way. I gave up. I "forgot" to go back on the cleanse. Reverting back to my old ways.
My weight slowly crept up to my original weight...then in 9 months, I was passed my starting weight. It was so depressing. I couldn't fit in my fat clothes anymore. I started wearing stretchy skirts. Started to drink with my best friend. It was pretty low for myself. I didn't care, life sucked anyhow. I wasn't making money no matter how hard I tried. I wasn't doing well in my household care...my kids were out of hand...fighting. I was yelling and angry or tired and unmotivated.
Fast forward to 2013, I fell into a depressed state in my relationship with my partner...my longtime boyfriend, who I already was referred to as my husband. We weren't getting along, we were fighting about anything and everything. His problems were beyond me, nothing I could help solve. He finally wanted out or so he said. I was so sad about how things turned out, it wasn't fair. I did everything I could...he was doing this to our relationship.
My brothers hit their low as well, it was crazy. Some crazy coincidence. Heartbreak all over the place. Why was this happening to us? I didn't know how to console them, I was really still trying to console myself. I had joined my local LA Fitness on my last birthday, then forgot about it until January 2013. I hit that gym because I just couldn't stay at home anymore. I was hurting, I wanted to torture myself some other way. I hit the gym almost everyday I could, staying 2-3 hours a day. I walked, stepped, cycled, lifted weights...whatever I could. My brothers joined my gym shortly after I suggested this more positive activity. It started to be a nice event. This went on for about 6-7 months. I lost a total of 10 pounds. What? Only 10 pounds.
Why did I fail to lose more? I didn't do the dietary changes that come with exercising. So I did the opposite of my last diet! Talk about extremist. I started to lose motivation although I knew the reason why I didn't lose weight. I couldn't say no to food...I didn't want to say no to food.
While all this was happening in 2013, I was practicing LOA or law of attraction. It was a slow start. I didn't realize that my mind was out of whack. I was kind of fighting the whole LOA thing too. It just didn't seem like good things could happen to me. I had to give it a chance. So I did.
It turned out, that by letting things go and giving LOA a chance, things could actually happen in a good way for me. I just had to start doing the work and noticing my progress. It's a process of pain and sheer joy. I had to give up my old ways of thinking and self abuse. I had to do this for myself.
Fast forward to now, I'm still working on this lifestyle change. Exercise, food changes and especially my mind. I'm not going to say I lost any weight. It's not just about that. The weight will fall off as a result of what I do outside of diet because it's no longer a diet to me. A diet is a temporary fix. It's a lifestyle change that I need. I want to share everything I learn and do. I want people to follow me as I go through all of this, so I can help support others who might be going through the same thing.
If your goal is weight loss, I urge you to follow me. I know I'm heading toward the right direction because I'm doing this from the right place of mind. It's a loving place.
See you on the next blog,